Saturday, 2 March 2013

Angry responses to fear

Is there anything more frightening than the moment we realize we have disrespected our child? How do we take that back? How do we stop the hurt we just inflicted? How do we erase that look of disappointment staring back at us from our child's eyes?
Simply we can't, it's out there, our words our look of disdain have been fired at our child's heart and soul.
What we can do is swallow our pride and apologize immediately. Don't make excuses just say I'm sorry. You can't say you didn't mean it, that won't make sense. You can say it wasn't true because I'm sure it wasn't. We don't actually feel negativity towards our children but we often do feel it towards ourselves and project it onto them.
When we feel a lack in ourselves we usually turn it outwards and hurt the nearest person to us, all in an attempt to alleviate the pain we are inflicting on ourselves because we feel bad inside. What causes such pain inside of us? Past experience. Something will trigger that past experience of rejection or admonition inside of our heads and we react. The hardest thing to do is to create a space between the feeling and the outward reaction. Hard but not impossible.
There isn't anyone who hasn't struggled with this, so go easy on yourself, but don't use it as an excuse to continue doing it.
How do we create space between our emotions and reactions? Again no easy answer, but a good place to begin is to know that this is what you're doing. Once you've acknowledged this you're on the path to changing it. That path consists of a series of methods leading to fully knowing yourself. Once we know ourselves we will change our hair trigger behaviors.
The path to knowing ourselves begins with honesty towards ourselves. If you can't be honest with yourself who can you be honest with? Invest the time in writing down all the behaviors you want to change in yourself. Write down instances when you've reacted out of fear and hurt a loved one. Examine the reasons why you reacted, what triggered that response. Start your question with "What just scared me?" It's a powerful question that, when answered, accelerates healing.
Meditation is a wonderfully peaceful state to ask these questions of yourself. The meditative state brings a feeling of safety and security and allows the heart to open to what makes you fearful without experiencing fear in that moment but offers a space of understanding and clarity.
Another way to catapult healing is by talking to those you have hurt in the past. Especially partners, parents, siblings and older children. By older children I mean that a child who has been raised in such a way that their higher self is still operating at optimal levels. A child who can respond with well thought through responses to your apologies for hurting them. I hesitate to put an age on this as each child is different. I leave it up to you to decide if your child is ready to hear what you have to say outside of a simple apology. What I will say, as I state in my book, no child should be burdened with being your therapist. This means that you should not be telling your child about your faults in detail or your past traumas that may cause them stress or worry about their own lives. You aren't looking for your child's sympathy, you are teaching them that it's good to apologize and make right any wrong you have done to another and to let them know that you are in tune with yourself and your faults, not as a bad person but as someone who recognizes their own wrongdoings and corrects them.
When we know ourselves and heal our fears we create an environment of healing for others. We create a space where people feel safe to express themselves with honesty. Wouldn't it be wonderful if teenagers could say to their parents, 'that made me afraid and I wanted to scream and rage' instead of them going ahead and screaming and raging without knowing why.
I wish you healing and happiness.

Thursday, 10 January 2013

We are Unschoolers

We are unschoolers. This means that we do not send our child to school nor do we have formal lessons, follow a curriculum nor adhere to standardised testing parameters. Our child lives free to explore whatever subject he chooses in whatever way he chooses to explore it. If he were to be tested by the Ontario standards, he would far exceed them, but only if he felt like it. With living freely you cannot box in a persons ability to access information. You cannot MAKE them learn or teach what they have learnt on demand which is what the mainstream school system demands. There is no room for individuality or creativity in mainstream school. A child cannot simply say, I'm bored with this subject I want to draw or play music or go outside. It's insulting to our souls to allow this form of control to be lorded over children. We do not own children, we are merely the caretakers of their bodies until they can care for themselves without us. Mainstream school has become the babysitter for parents who must work. Those parents must work because our gov't has enslaved us with the myth of money, telling us that we must pay for everything including life necessities like housing, food and water. Another insult to our souls. In our house we live our lives to create and learn and teach. Money is not our driving force in anything we do. We create enough money to pay for what is necessary at this point in our world. We grow our own food, we are building our own self sufficient home and we are doing it with little or money. We rely on our community to help our son learn, to build our home, to supplement our diet with what we don't produce ourselves, for transportation when we can travel as group to cut back on gas and emissions. This is how we were meant to live as human beings. 
There be dragons living peacefully in our backyard! This was the project we unschoolers did today! May you be well and happy and free from fear.

Parenting through body, mind and spirit.

Tuesday, 25 December 2012

Hello and welcome. 
I have completed the new book on raising children through chakra work. It will be available soon at Amazon! I will post the link later this week.
It's a beautiful winter day here in the woods. The deer are wandering around the house and I'm blessed to be able to watch them through my office window while I write.
This first post will be short and sweet, mostly to introduce myself and my family which you can find in the profile section. 
I also encourage you to answer the poll located on the right of this post. I'm interested in how our education world is changing, how parents are choosing to teach their children in this new age. 
I would also love to hear your comments and questions regarding the philosophy in my new book and anything you read on my blog. I will attempt to respond daily to all inquiries.
May this find you well and happy and free from fear!

Johannus Boots Art